America's Next Top Model
Cycle 11 Episode 4

The Wal-Mart and Swimsuit Edition aka
A Redneck's Dream

So much was crammed into last night's episode that there wasn't much time for cat fights back at the model house and for that I am grateful.

We start off with the obligatory bus trip home where the girl that almost got sent packing, in this case Isis, tells the others how she was glad it wasn't her and voices her insecurity. Blah, blah, blah. Yeah, I know Isis isn't technically a girl, but for these purposes I will always refer to Isis in the feminine. Miss Jay is confusing enough now that he has apparently gone butch.

The girls walk in the house and are surprised to see Tyra sitting in their living room. Tyra does the “I got boobs and a booty and I did just fine” speech for the teens watching at home with body dimorphism and eating disorders while the girls munch on pizza. The expected squeals of delight are released when the girls are told their makeovers are imminent. If memory serves, makeovers were done when there were less than 10 girls left in previous cycles. I guess the budget has increased or they enjoy tormenting as many of the contestants as possible. We are then subjected to a bizarre Snow White on crack skit where Miss Jay enters looking like the old witch offering poisoned apples to Tyra who is then kissed and carted off by Mr. Jay looking like he escaped from the Enchanted tiki room at Disneyland.

When the girls arrive for their makeovers they are informed that they won't know what they are getting until it is done. The mirrors are covered and the anxiety ramps up. Tyra appears in the bottom left of the screen describing the makeover for the individual girls dressed as a Diva Fairy Queen in lamé. She's also wearing light blue contacts that give her the appearance of having no irises - creepy. I think that overall everyone turned out for the better. The best had to be Samantha. She went from shaggy to chic with just a cut and a color. My least favorite of the bunch were Majorie, Clark and Elina.

Let's talk about Elina for a minute. If you're going to try out for one of the more successful reality series then it would serve you to do some research. Every girl who has made the critical error of saying that they are not open to change and that they only want this or that kind of hair always, ALWAYS, gets the outrageous hairdo. The most dramatic had to be the Texas beauty queen that had her beautiful chestnut tresses buzzed to put her in her pageant place, but there is one every season and this time it was Elina. Elina comes off as elitist – she knows more, is more cool and hates her mother. Maybe she is trying to emulate Angelina Jolie whom she has been compared to repeatedly this season. She gets a weave, but not just any weave. She gets a red, super curly mid length hairdo that I think looks ridiculous, but makes for good entertainment. We shared her turmoil of denial, anger and acceptance with this beauty as she struggled through the stages of coiffure quietus.

Tyra-Mail! That oh so annoying contrivance ANTM uses to give a misleading hint about an upcoming event. Thank the gods that the producers have stopped the practice of having all the girls read the missive together. Now apparently one girl gets to read it and they all chime in “love, Tyra.”

Does the challenge involve a high fashion designer or require ridiculous physical prowess? No, it's so much better! The challenge involves a product placement! Yay! We viewers are so lucky, we don't get one shameless plug but two. I'm all a quiver just recalling the details. The Model Bus pulls up in front of the Home of High Fashion we in the south call Wal-Mart. Nigel Barker's wife and Sutan, the make up artist who has starred in previous Cycles in drag, tell our girls what's going on. The girls have to put on their make-up then ad-lib a 30 second commercial for the CoverGirl. This ought to be good.

Surprisingly, they were pretty good. Stinkers in the crowd included Marjorie who referred to the retailer as Walgreens, Analeigh and Brittany gone ghetto, and Elina who stood up and basically said “this is the crap some lame girls put on their face.” Other goofs included forgetting the name of the product and stammering, but not everyone can talk at the drop of a hat. The biggest surprise had to be Hannah who stood up there and nailed a perfect line that included the product name and sounded genuine while looking cute. I would have never expected that much spunk out of the little backwoods mouse. Good for her. Samantha was also great and came in a close second.

Back to the house, more Tyra-Mail! which suggests swimsuits. For once, the mail was right. Swimsuits are the garment du jour for this shoot and the designer, Susan Holmes , who is also a super model will supervise the shoot. Mr. Jay is not going to be on site to give pointers and suggestions because he wants to see how the girls do on their own, but will hang out in make-up and give support and answer questions. The photographer, Russel James , shot Tyra's first SI edition and he a along with Susan are directing the girls.

Pretty girls in bikinis, Malibu beach and an experienced photographer end up making this shoot fairly drama free. Some make it look easy like Marjorie and Samantha, while others struggle. Overall none were bad. Here's the order in which the judges selected the photos.

Elina
Lauren Brie
Samantha
Mckey
Sheena
Joclyn
Marjorie
Clark
Isis
Hannah
Analeigh - almost axed
Brittany - gone

It must suck to be very pretty but unphotogenic. As Miss Jay says, she will go on to be a very wealthy NFL wife and hopefully live happily ever after.

Our Top Model in Action this week featured Lisa from Cycle 9. I would never have recognized her from that shot of her attacking the catwalk in Fashion Week. Very chic, very nice. Whitney sounded phony as ever in her latest ad. She has the look, but is unable to relate her information without sounding incredibly fake. Good thing most models aren't expected to talk.

I missed the preview for next week so I have no idea what's coming up next!