America's Next Top Model
Cycle 11 Episode 5

We open this episode with our Denise Richards look alike, Analeigh, feeling the heat. She knows that being in the bottom two twice out of the last 3 eliminations is not a good thing and reflects on her poor performance. Analeigh and Marjorie swim in a pool of self doubt while Hannah refuses to play along.

The next Tyra Mail mentions a gutter in the witty prose and we promptly see the girls get dropped off at a bowling alley. Miss Jay is there busily disinfecting the bowling shoe inspired high heels that will be worn for this runway workshop. Isis is the first out and discovers the lanes are still oiled as she slips, yet quickly recovers. Surprisingly, no one busts their butt. However, Hannah does manage to show the ANTM viewing world that in addition to her lack of social skills she has absolutely no grace on the runway, either. I thought Heather from Cycle 9 owned the title of Worst Walk Ever with her Lurch imitation, but Hannah is far worse than Heather ever was. Is it just me or should someone that goes to all the trouble to apply, suffers through multiple interviews and cuts to make it to ANTM final 14 know how to walk in high heels? Yeah, yeah, yeah – I know – she grew up in the arctic circle but couldn't she break off a couple of icicles and strap them to her mukluks for Pete's sake? Miss Jay makes a couple of smart remarks, but he seems to be seriously off his game. He isn't near as spunky as in Cycles past, but perhaps the fun has run out of this for him.

Back to the house for yet another riveting Tyra Mail which no one deciphers and our contestants ponder over the next challenge. They all know it will require walking due to their last outing and Analeigh takes pity on Hannah and tries to help her runway walk. A bit of improvement can be seen, but this girl hasn't got a chance in the next challenge unless someone falls, which is not out of the realm of possibility with this competition.



The Challenge takes place in a vintage bank with the explanation that this collection exhibits richness and the girls are supposed to be cat burglars. (The only problem with that premise is that the girls looked nothing like cat burglars and a design of a giant credit card on a sweater doesn't really represent “richness,” but it's a nice looking venue.) Miss Jay is waiting to greet them along with a guy that looks like he escaped from The Wiggles sound stage. The man is 5 foot, 0 and looks like he weighs less than 100 pounds. He was dressed in an outfit that could only be described as clownish (in my oh-so-not-couture opinion). Jeremy Scott may be the hottest thing in high fashion, but he can keep his Hefty Bag collection and I'll never miss it.


Three big surprises are in store for the girls today. First , Seventeen magazine editor-in-chief, Ann Shoket arrives with Mr. J to announce that the winner of this challenge along with 2 two other girls will take part in a special photo shoot featuring clothing from Kira Plastinina, a 15 year old Russian fashion whiz kid; second, they are going to have to walk the runway blindfolded ; and third, whomever is deemed the worst goes home right then and there. The stakes are high but the hairdos are even higher as our lovelies get ready to strut their stuff.

Elina is out first in an ugly, dollar bill inspired print dress and manages the challenge well – nothing great, but no disaster, which at this point is a good thing. Most likely the girls have already concluded that Hannah is going home as long as no one does anything stupid. Enter Samantha. While practicing in the back Samantha makes a move that the designer expressly tells her not to do. He does not like how she rucks up the side of the dress when she stops at the end of her walk to pose. (I thought it was a oversized shirt with leggings and perhaps that is what Samantha thought, too, or why else would she purposely draw it up?) Needless to say, Samantha pulls the shirt/dress/sack on the runway and irritates the designer. The collection is a modge-podge of designs that included 2 Cogsworth costumes and a tribute to Carol Burnett. Can't you just imagine what McKey must have been thinking. “Which producer did I piss off to get stuck with the damned curtain rod!?”

The winner, Joslyn, is announced and she picks Sheena and Isis to share in the prize. Hannah, who was almost saved by Samantha, packs her bag and is gone. No one even mentions her departure, but the girl didn't go out of her way to make friends.

The only thing left for this episode is the photo shoot. Mr. J shows up at the ungodly hour of 8:45 a.m. to find the girls still sucking up lint. Jeez, it must be nice to sleep that late! He tells them they won't have to go far, the shoot is being held in the pool at their house. Nigel is the photographer and the trick is for the girls to keep the bottom half of their face submerged because they are interested only in shooting the eyes. McKey, Sheena, Lauren Brie, Samantha, Marjorie and Clark take to it like old pros. Analeigh surprises Nigel by finally looking like a model and strikes an interesting pose. Joslyn tries to drown and explains she can't swim (Joslyn, you don't have to swim - just hold your breath, okay?). Isis is distracted by worrying if her beach balls are going show up for the pool party and Elina just doesn't know what to do. The shoot wraps and we await panel.

Nigel again narrates our Top Models in Action and tells us that Chantal from Cycle 9 is busy working for New Model Management and just finished a KMS Hair Salon Campaign. Whitney bicycles through our weekly CoverGirl ad and is boring as ever. One line that did catch my attention was Whitney proclaiming she is the “next big thing!” Hey, is that a fat girl joke?


Panel opens with only 10 girls since Hannah got pushed off on an ice floe and we are reminded of the prizes. The foul tempered designer is there to guest judge and this time he chose his alma mater's band uniform jacket for the occasion. Here's the order in which the photos were judged.
Clark – Her photo appears as digital art for the next week as a “nanny-nanny-boo-bah” to the rest of the group

Analeigh – nice face, great leg
Lauren Brie – great face and arms
Sheena – dramatic eyes
McKey - nice overall shot
Marjorie - okay
Joslyn – looked scared
Elina - boring
Samantha – almost axed, but great hands and eyes
Isis – buh bye

The only reason Elina wasn't in the bottom two was because of the way Samantha hacked off the designer during the challenge. What appeared to be a mild irritation at the challenge magically developed into dramatic disgust by the time we got to panel. His description of Samantha was “she's a combination of a truck driver and a stripper.” Nice manufactured drama there, Tyra. Personally, I didn't see anything sexy in her walk, she just looked like an inexperienced model trying to draw attention. Boy, did she ever.

Isis got canned because her photos are all boring. Plain and simple. She ran back to the house, put on her tiara and huge white earrings and instantly went from looking a young woman to looking like a drag queen in no time flat.

9 girls remain. Who will be America's Next Top Model?