America's Next Top Model
Cycle 11 Episode 8

Can we clear the air of something before the recap? Being cold and stiff with no personal charm and being a mouse with quirky body movements are not European personality traits. There are plenty of home grown American girls that are the same way. If you want to piss and moan that Europeans are different, pack it up and haul your skinny butt over the pond and sign up for Europe's Next Top Model, okay?

This episode was full of gay men tonight (in the immortal words of Seinfeld – not that anything is wrong with that) and the girls were almost an afterthought. The Swirl and Twirl twins were on hand to demonstrate to our lovelies how to work a garment. I did appreciate the point they made in that the model is there to sell the garment – not simply to look pretty. The ridiculously flamboyant James St. James was also there to demonstrate the challenge. The object is to show off the clothing while remaining invisible. This was achieved by putting the girls in green suits that appear invisible when shown on television. Personally, I thought they all sucked. Elina won the challenge simply because she had the easiest dress to demonstrate. Marjorie might have been confused with Isis (were she still in the competition) when her dress dropped off her bust. Joslyn got confused and must have thought she was trying out for JB's Gallery of Girls and the rest of the group did the swirl and twirl thing very poorly.

Elina chose Marjorie and Analeigh (the whine sisters) to share in her photo shoot prize. Samantha pouted and thought it was unfair that an atheist got to do a Christmas shoot. I felt like I was transported back to 7th grade with that comment but, as the competition tightens the bitchiness heightens. The cat fight in the kitchen was the usual crapola du jour and Sheena basically tells them to stop using their immigrant status as a crutch. Go girl and set them straight. We've had women from Europe including Natasha, Cycle 8 and Katarzyna, Cycle 10 who didn't suffer under the oppression of their upbringing. If you want to talk about suppression of women lets remember Nenna Cycle 6 and Fatima, Cycle 10 who grew up in Africa where circumcision of women is considered normal. Girls, it wasn't the culture of your youth that put that stick up your butt. You did that all by yourselves.

CoverGirl commercial. Those are always fun! Whitney from Cycle 10 is there to help coach the girls which is odd since her commercial was pretty crummy as I recall. The girls get a teleprompter to help them along which is something new. I guess the producers are tired of seeing the dumb stare and expletives when the model forgets her lines. Analeigh took to the commercial like a duck to water and nailed her lines while looking good. Sheena went a little on the hoochie side but still had a good ad. Then we have the rest. Samantha looked awkward and inexperienced. Marjorie was jerking her head around and wasn't believable. Miss Jay made the comment that she looked like a chicken and I agree. McKey was over made up and looked like a clown, but that wasn't her fault. She was awkward and not smooth but managed better than Elina and Joslyn. Elina was stiff and phony and Joslyn was a hand flicking, winking mess. She was battling a stomach bug, but that didn't make up for that horrible performance.

The CoverGirl in Action this week was none other than Whitney from Cycle 10. It appears to me that she has gained another 20 pounds for these ads, but she looks the same size as she was in the last Cycle in the preview for next week. Maybe she has to appear larger for “full figure” work. She is definitely a print model. She comes off phony as hell in person.

Panel. I thought it was kind of tacky for Tyra to make a big to do over the fact that the girls are headed to Amsterdam before announcing the cut for the day. Nice way to rub salt into the wound of the next cast off. It was a sure thing that Analeigh would be called first since it was discussed in panel that she nailed the Best CoverGirl Commercial Evah! So good in fact, it made Tyra faux-faint. She really was good and those large eyes of hers are a perfect canvas for that gaudy line of shade. Elina and Joslyn face Miss Tyra for the showdown. Elina narrowly edges out Joslyn mainly because she has been holding steady whereas Joslyn has been moving backwards. I would have preferred Joslyn stay and Miss Attitude go, but Elina does deliver better photos.

Next week they're on location in Amsterdam, specifically the red light district. That should be interesting.

Wonder Product of the Day!

Anti Monkey Butt Powder


I did not make this up and this photo has not been shopped. I found this miracle product while looking for a first aid cream at my neighborhood Rite Aid.


My question is: Do you use the powder only after you have developed monkey butt symptoms or can you use it as a preventative to avoid the problem all together?


I should have bought this as a gag Bosses' Day gift, but I wasn't ready to face the unemployment line if he didn't find it funny. I would have loved to have been in the management meeting for this company when they were brainstorming ideas on what to name this stuff. What were the names they ruled out? A few thoughts come to mind like Anti Baboon Buns, Anti Ape Ass, Anti Chimp Cheeks? Well yeah, Anti Monkey Butt is more fun to say.


What you can't see in this crummy photo I took (I took it quick because an employee was already looking at me weird for laughing out loud while standing there staring at the shelves) is the phrase at the bottom of the label that's just inside that red border. It says "Sweat Absorber and Friction Fighter." Okay - absorbing sweat is understandable. Fights friction? If your butt has turned fiery red from whatever or whomever you are rubbing it against you're going to need prescription strength pharamceuticals before you worry about applying your powder, I'm just sayin'.


Perhaps this company is just counting on the word of mouth. How can you not tell everyone you know about something with that name? They got me to laugh with everyone at my office about it as well as blog about it so that's really cheap advertising. I guess they're no Monkey's Uncle after all.

America's Next Top Model
Cycle 11 Episode 6
Original airdate 10/01/08

There sure was a whole lot of nothing going on last night. One ho-hum workshop/challenge and a theme photo shoot that left me bored to tears.

Before we get to the challenge, we get yet another douse of self doubt from our meek little mouse, Marjorie. Analeigh isn't playing along this week. She did well in the last panel and that has given her confidence a needed boost. Marjorie frets whether she doing well or not and this insecurity is wearing thin on some of the girls. Confidence is a necessary tool in the modeling industry and if Marjorie doesn't learn to control her doubts (or at least not voice them) she is going to be packing her suitcase soon. That isn't to say that that over confidence is a virtue. Yes, I'm talking to you Clark, because that character flaw can be equally damaging.

The girls are hauled over to a warehouse where they meet Paulina in an ill fitting, ugly blue dress/suit who warns them that their lives (not as a CoverGirl) will revolve mostly around catalog shoots and the clothes rarely fit. The girls don predictably pink hard hats and construction belts and head upstairs to learn how to fix the clothes to make them fit better. They are led to a rack of uninspiring everyday clothing that appears about 4 times too large and told to make it work. Oddly enough, Paulina doesn't give any suggestions on what to do other than telling the girls to look in their belts and around the room for things they can use. McKey is chosen as the challenge winner even though she could barely walk after her alteration. Her look was accomplished by sticking a water bottle in the waistband to keep the pants up and using a hair clamp and bulldog clip to make the pant legs more form fitting. There was some padding in the bust of her blouse to fill out the top as well. Samantha was chided as the worst repair job for altering the length of the shorts (she rolled them up) and the look of the blouse (used a rubber band to gather the material). At least no one got sent home for coming in last at this challenge.

We transitioned from the challenge right to the photo shoot this week after more looks into the insecurities of young, pretty skinny girls. Joslyn is losing her game and makes a call home to boost her spirits which doesn't appear to help much. A couple of girls try in intervention with Marjorie who just isn't wired like the other girls and thinks is has more to do with her cultural background rather than her belief in herself. Blah, blah, blah...

Since the challenge was so lackluster, I was expecting a really interesting shoot, but I didn't get it. Instead we get a Natural Disaster theme with the girls in 60s fashion. Yawn.

Brian Edwards is a photographer that has been doing work with Cycle 8 winner, Jaslene, and doesn't really say more that two words during the whole show. The set is a miniature city and the girls are supposed to be various natural disasters wreaking havoc on their surroundings. Samantha, Elina and Sheena were the only ones out of the bunch that really understood the concept and what they were supposed to do and gave the best shots of the whole shoot. Others like Clark, McKey, Analeigh and Lauren Brie just coasted on looking pretty and their photos were dull. Joslyn looked worse than last week and Marjorie was so bad Mr J had to get up and put her into position like she was a mannequin.

Panel was uneventful and the photos were selected in this order.

Samantha – She did a great job portraying a tidal wave. She gets her photo displayed in the house for the following week.
Analeigh – She was the Santa Anna wind
McKey – Heat wave
Elina – Earthquake
Marjorie – Traffic Jam
Lauren Brie – Snowstorm
Sheena – Sandstorm
Joslyn – Rockslide – almost gone
Clark – Blackout - goner

Although I agree that Samantha had the best photo of the group, I disagree with the rest of the list. My list would go like this: Samantha, Elina, Sheena, McKey, Analeigh, Lauren Brie, Clark, Joslyn and Marjorie. They stuck Samantha in the bottom two last week for her poor performance during a runway show. Marjorie had to be physically put into position to capture a good shot. If there is any poorer measure of performance for a model than that, I can't think of it.

I think Clark got sent home because Tyra wanted a good smackdown for this episode. Anyone who has watched this show for any length of time probably recognized Clark's cocky remarks as foreshadowing of the final decision. Paulina was backing Marjorie heavily this week. We'll all have to watch to find out if she can pull it together in the weeks to come.

We're down to 8.

America's Next Top Model
Cycle 11 Episode 5

We open this episode with our Denise Richards look alike, Analeigh, feeling the heat. She knows that being in the bottom two twice out of the last 3 eliminations is not a good thing and reflects on her poor performance. Analeigh and Marjorie swim in a pool of self doubt while Hannah refuses to play along.

The next Tyra Mail mentions a gutter in the witty prose and we promptly see the girls get dropped off at a bowling alley. Miss Jay is there busily disinfecting the bowling shoe inspired high heels that will be worn for this runway workshop. Isis is the first out and discovers the lanes are still oiled as she slips, yet quickly recovers. Surprisingly, no one busts their butt. However, Hannah does manage to show the ANTM viewing world that in addition to her lack of social skills she has absolutely no grace on the runway, either. I thought Heather from Cycle 9 owned the title of Worst Walk Ever with her Lurch imitation, but Hannah is far worse than Heather ever was. Is it just me or should someone that goes to all the trouble to apply, suffers through multiple interviews and cuts to make it to ANTM final 14 know how to walk in high heels? Yeah, yeah, yeah – I know – she grew up in the arctic circle but couldn't she break off a couple of icicles and strap them to her mukluks for Pete's sake? Miss Jay makes a couple of smart remarks, but he seems to be seriously off his game. He isn't near as spunky as in Cycles past, but perhaps the fun has run out of this for him.

Back to the house for yet another riveting Tyra Mail which no one deciphers and our contestants ponder over the next challenge. They all know it will require walking due to their last outing and Analeigh takes pity on Hannah and tries to help her runway walk. A bit of improvement can be seen, but this girl hasn't got a chance in the next challenge unless someone falls, which is not out of the realm of possibility with this competition.



The Challenge takes place in a vintage bank with the explanation that this collection exhibits richness and the girls are supposed to be cat burglars. (The only problem with that premise is that the girls looked nothing like cat burglars and a design of a giant credit card on a sweater doesn't really represent “richness,” but it's a nice looking venue.) Miss Jay is waiting to greet them along with a guy that looks like he escaped from The Wiggles sound stage. The man is 5 foot, 0 and looks like he weighs less than 100 pounds. He was dressed in an outfit that could only be described as clownish (in my oh-so-not-couture opinion). Jeremy Scott may be the hottest thing in high fashion, but he can keep his Hefty Bag collection and I'll never miss it.


Three big surprises are in store for the girls today. First , Seventeen magazine editor-in-chief, Ann Shoket arrives with Mr. J to announce that the winner of this challenge along with 2 two other girls will take part in a special photo shoot featuring clothing from Kira Plastinina, a 15 year old Russian fashion whiz kid; second, they are going to have to walk the runway blindfolded ; and third, whomever is deemed the worst goes home right then and there. The stakes are high but the hairdos are even higher as our lovelies get ready to strut their stuff.

Elina is out first in an ugly, dollar bill inspired print dress and manages the challenge well – nothing great, but no disaster, which at this point is a good thing. Most likely the girls have already concluded that Hannah is going home as long as no one does anything stupid. Enter Samantha. While practicing in the back Samantha makes a move that the designer expressly tells her not to do. He does not like how she rucks up the side of the dress when she stops at the end of her walk to pose. (I thought it was a oversized shirt with leggings and perhaps that is what Samantha thought, too, or why else would she purposely draw it up?) Needless to say, Samantha pulls the shirt/dress/sack on the runway and irritates the designer. The collection is a modge-podge of designs that included 2 Cogsworth costumes and a tribute to Carol Burnett. Can't you just imagine what McKey must have been thinking. “Which producer did I piss off to get stuck with the damned curtain rod!?”

The winner, Joslyn, is announced and she picks Sheena and Isis to share in the prize. Hannah, who was almost saved by Samantha, packs her bag and is gone. No one even mentions her departure, but the girl didn't go out of her way to make friends.

The only thing left for this episode is the photo shoot. Mr. J shows up at the ungodly hour of 8:45 a.m. to find the girls still sucking up lint. Jeez, it must be nice to sleep that late! He tells them they won't have to go far, the shoot is being held in the pool at their house. Nigel is the photographer and the trick is for the girls to keep the bottom half of their face submerged because they are interested only in shooting the eyes. McKey, Sheena, Lauren Brie, Samantha, Marjorie and Clark take to it like old pros. Analeigh surprises Nigel by finally looking like a model and strikes an interesting pose. Joslyn tries to drown and explains she can't swim (Joslyn, you don't have to swim - just hold your breath, okay?). Isis is distracted by worrying if her beach balls are going show up for the pool party and Elina just doesn't know what to do. The shoot wraps and we await panel.

Nigel again narrates our Top Models in Action and tells us that Chantal from Cycle 9 is busy working for New Model Management and just finished a KMS Hair Salon Campaign. Whitney bicycles through our weekly CoverGirl ad and is boring as ever. One line that did catch my attention was Whitney proclaiming she is the “next big thing!” Hey, is that a fat girl joke?


Panel opens with only 10 girls since Hannah got pushed off on an ice floe and we are reminded of the prizes. The foul tempered designer is there to guest judge and this time he chose his alma mater's band uniform jacket for the occasion. Here's the order in which the photos were judged.
Clark – Her photo appears as digital art for the next week as a “nanny-nanny-boo-bah” to the rest of the group

Analeigh – nice face, great leg
Lauren Brie – great face and arms
Sheena – dramatic eyes
McKey - nice overall shot
Marjorie - okay
Joslyn – looked scared
Elina - boring
Samantha – almost axed, but great hands and eyes
Isis – buh bye

The only reason Elina wasn't in the bottom two was because of the way Samantha hacked off the designer during the challenge. What appeared to be a mild irritation at the challenge magically developed into dramatic disgust by the time we got to panel. His description of Samantha was “she's a combination of a truck driver and a stripper.” Nice manufactured drama there, Tyra. Personally, I didn't see anything sexy in her walk, she just looked like an inexperienced model trying to draw attention. Boy, did she ever.

Isis got canned because her photos are all boring. Plain and simple. She ran back to the house, put on her tiara and huge white earrings and instantly went from looking a young woman to looking like a drag queen in no time flat.

9 girls remain. Who will be America's Next Top Model?

Our Summer Vacation

America's Next Top Model
Cycle 11 Episode 4

The Wal-Mart and Swimsuit Edition aka
A Redneck's Dream

So much was crammed into last night's episode that there wasn't much time for cat fights back at the model house and for that I am grateful.

We start off with the obligatory bus trip home where the girl that almost got sent packing, in this case Isis, tells the others how she was glad it wasn't her and voices her insecurity. Blah, blah, blah. Yeah, I know Isis isn't technically a girl, but for these purposes I will always refer to Isis in the feminine. Miss Jay is confusing enough now that he has apparently gone butch.

The girls walk in the house and are surprised to see Tyra sitting in their living room. Tyra does the “I got boobs and a booty and I did just fine” speech for the teens watching at home with body dimorphism and eating disorders while the girls munch on pizza. The expected squeals of delight are released when the girls are told their makeovers are imminent. If memory serves, makeovers were done when there were less than 10 girls left in previous cycles. I guess the budget has increased or they enjoy tormenting as many of the contestants as possible. We are then subjected to a bizarre Snow White on crack skit where Miss Jay enters looking like the old witch offering poisoned apples to Tyra who is then kissed and carted off by Mr. Jay looking like he escaped from the Enchanted tiki room at Disneyland.

When the girls arrive for their makeovers they are informed that they won't know what they are getting until it is done. The mirrors are covered and the anxiety ramps up. Tyra appears in the bottom left of the screen describing the makeover for the individual girls dressed as a Diva Fairy Queen in lamé. She's also wearing light blue contacts that give her the appearance of having no irises - creepy. I think that overall everyone turned out for the better. The best had to be Samantha. She went from shaggy to chic with just a cut and a color. My least favorite of the bunch were Majorie, Clark and Elina.

Let's talk about Elina for a minute. If you're going to try out for one of the more successful reality series then it would serve you to do some research. Every girl who has made the critical error of saying that they are not open to change and that they only want this or that kind of hair always, ALWAYS, gets the outrageous hairdo. The most dramatic had to be the Texas beauty queen that had her beautiful chestnut tresses buzzed to put her in her pageant place, but there is one every season and this time it was Elina. Elina comes off as elitist – she knows more, is more cool and hates her mother. Maybe she is trying to emulate Angelina Jolie whom she has been compared to repeatedly this season. She gets a weave, but not just any weave. She gets a red, super curly mid length hairdo that I think looks ridiculous, but makes for good entertainment. We shared her turmoil of denial, anger and acceptance with this beauty as she struggled through the stages of coiffure quietus.

Tyra-Mail! That oh so annoying contrivance ANTM uses to give a misleading hint about an upcoming event. Thank the gods that the producers have stopped the practice of having all the girls read the missive together. Now apparently one girl gets to read it and they all chime in “love, Tyra.”

Does the challenge involve a high fashion designer or require ridiculous physical prowess? No, it's so much better! The challenge involves a product placement! Yay! We viewers are so lucky, we don't get one shameless plug but two. I'm all a quiver just recalling the details. The Model Bus pulls up in front of the Home of High Fashion we in the south call Wal-Mart. Nigel Barker's wife and Sutan, the make up artist who has starred in previous Cycles in drag, tell our girls what's going on. The girls have to put on their make-up then ad-lib a 30 second commercial for the CoverGirl. This ought to be good.

Surprisingly, they were pretty good. Stinkers in the crowd included Marjorie who referred to the retailer as Walgreens, Analeigh and Brittany gone ghetto, and Elina who stood up and basically said “this is the crap some lame girls put on their face.” Other goofs included forgetting the name of the product and stammering, but not everyone can talk at the drop of a hat. The biggest surprise had to be Hannah who stood up there and nailed a perfect line that included the product name and sounded genuine while looking cute. I would have never expected that much spunk out of the little backwoods mouse. Good for her. Samantha was also great and came in a close second.

Back to the house, more Tyra-Mail! which suggests swimsuits. For once, the mail was right. Swimsuits are the garment du jour for this shoot and the designer, Susan Holmes , who is also a super model will supervise the shoot. Mr. Jay is not going to be on site to give pointers and suggestions because he wants to see how the girls do on their own, but will hang out in make-up and give support and answer questions. The photographer, Russel James , shot Tyra's first SI edition and he a along with Susan are directing the girls.

Pretty girls in bikinis, Malibu beach and an experienced photographer end up making this shoot fairly drama free. Some make it look easy like Marjorie and Samantha, while others struggle. Overall none were bad. Here's the order in which the judges selected the photos.

Elina
Lauren Brie
Samantha
Mckey
Sheena
Joclyn
Marjorie
Clark
Isis
Hannah
Analeigh - almost axed
Brittany - gone

It must suck to be very pretty but unphotogenic. As Miss Jay says, she will go on to be a very wealthy NFL wife and hopefully live happily ever after.

Our Top Model in Action this week featured Lisa from Cycle 9. I would never have recognized her from that shot of her attacking the catwalk in Fashion Week. Very chic, very nice. Whitney sounded phony as ever in her latest ad. She has the look, but is unable to relate her information without sounding incredibly fake. Good thing most models aren't expected to talk.

I missed the preview for next week so I have no idea what's coming up next!

Family Vacation
Walt Disney World
Orlando, FL
August 2007


We took our family vacation to Walt Disney World Orlando last August, 2007. It was the first visit for everyone in the family except me and it had been over 25 years since my last visit. We decided to head over to the Magic Kingdom our first evening in town to catch the SpectroMagic Parade. The crowd gathered, anticipation built and my daughter was practically vibrating by the time the street lights dimmed.

An arching firework display shot across Cinderella’s castle and suddenly Tinkerbell burst forth and started “flying” towards the crowd. At that moment by daughter turned to me while bouncing up and down and exclaimed “She’s real, Mommy! She’s real!” I will remember that moment until my dying day. Disney really did make a dream come true that night.

Later on during the end of the parade the character, Ursula, from the Little Mermaid, came close to where we were standing and spoke in our general direction. Since that moment my daughter has been completely enamored with Ursula. It wasn’t easy, but I found a beanie baby Ursula licensed by Disney from years back and that doll has been my child’s constant companion ever since. I explained to my daughter that Ursula is considered a villain and most people don’t like her. She explained to me that if Ursula was around, she would be her friend and Ursula wouldn’t want to be mean anymore. Don’t you just love it?




We made reservations at the Bibbidi Bobbidi Boutique and DD got the Hair, Makeup and Nails package (we already had the Aurora gown.) That was the best deal in town! They put enough goo in her hair and fixed in such a way that I didn’t have to mess with her hair the whole time we were in Orlando and that was such a vacation for me! She wore her princess outfit the whole time and was addressed as Princess by the staff. They gave her little trinkets and stickers and she still has them and treasures them dearly.





We by no means planned it, but it just so happened that as we were leaving MGM on the second day, we saw this orangey-red ball rising in the sky. A young man nearby pointed and shouted “It’s the Space Shuttle!” Everyone that was headed for the shuttles stopped simultaneously and watched in awe. I snapped a photo with my phone camera, but needless to say, it isn’t a great shot. My daughter was the first to get bored and inquired about our dinner plans. Oh well, can’t please everybody!


I would have had a great photo of the Space Shuttle had I not lost my camera while in MGM. The park staff was so great in helping my try to find it, but it is gone forever. I still have my memories though.


Even though it was hot and humid (Florida + August = Muggy) we had a terrific time and can’t wait to go back.

BeachStreet USA
Virginia Beach Oceanfront
August 25, 2008















Down near 20th Street at the Oceanfront the elite Performing Company of the Rhythm of Ireland School of Irish Dance performed as a part of the city of Virginia Beach's Beach Street USA for the fortunate citizens and tourists passing along Atlantic Ave . They were joined by Celtica, a local minstral group, that affects a medieval air.


I recognized John Ickes right away (since he once earned the grand title of "Best Customer Ever" one Christmas season at my workplace for his unending patience and cheerfulness during the peak of the season) yet was somewhat taken aback that he was performing along side our Irish gals since the last time I saw him he was sporting a kilt and playin' the bagpipes. He piped Diana Gabaldon (one of my favorite writers) into the lecture hall at the Virginia Beach Library Week in April 2007. Members of Celtica were also present at the book signing following her presentation and accompanied John's lovely singing voice with a hammered dulcimer and concert harp.

I recognized both of these ladies, but alas, do not know their names and for that I am sorry. I hope to catch up with John sometime soon and will update this blog once I have the info to give credit where it is due. The ladies were without their lovely instruments due to the limitations of the venue, but provided their melodious voices instead and were accompanied by 3 other individuals I have not seen before. They opened the performance with a beautifully harmonious song about nothing in particular. One of those tunes that allows you to enjoy the sound of the voices without really caring about what is being said. The troupe was dressed in period clothing and they had to be very warm because it was in the high 80s with high humidity at 7:30pm. None of them seem to mind, though.

Here's a clip I took with my digital camera while at the performance. My memory card ran out about 5 seconds before the end of the reel - but this shows the best of the best that night.


You might notice that the girls are wearing less-than-traditional Irish Dancing garb. If you've never worn an Irish Dancing costume, you might be surprised to discover they weigh 5 to 10 pounds and that's not counting the wig! All that interfacing and embroidery adds up to some serious weight, doncha know. The school director, Mrs. Debbie Bristol, also mentioned that the costumes were more appropriate to an informal setup that Beach Street USA allows.

The dancers and singers took turns entertaining the crowd. The older girls displayed their hardshoe prowess and the younger girls demonstrated a soft-shoe reel. The challenges of dancing outdoors are compounded when the stage is unlevel, yet the the girls were fleet of foot and and looked as good as any show you could catch at Busch Gardens!



There was a hobby-horse joust complete with swimming pool noodle lances and even a maypole dance. The little ones needed a little help in manning the ribbons, but the pole had a fine weave by the end of the night.

The performance lasted about 30 minutes and was well worth the effort of coming from Larkspur down to the Oceanfront. Since we parked at the municipal parking lot, we had several blocks to traverse to get back to the car.

We passed a middle-aged blond playing a fierce steel drum tune and then a Filipino couple singing "Cheeseburger in Paradise" while headed for the ice cream stand. Now that's not something you see everyday.

A large crowd had gathered around another street performer and my son and I were making a wide path around him when a large plume of flame shot into the air. That got my kids' attention so we stopped and took a look. This guy juggled with stuff on fire - while balancing a board on a 4 inch pipe; balanced a burning baseball bat thing on this chin and spit fire. While he was doing all his pyro tricks he was cracking insult jokes at himself and the crowd. He was good.

At this point we were "in for a penny, in for a pound" and decided to stay for the magic show being held at the 24th Street stage. Poor guy, his first trick and his prop breaks. The magic cabinet broke a wheel and he did a good job of covering it up by sticking his foot underneath. My children enjoyed the show, but it was pretty high-school talent show quality for me. He did a good job of including a kid from the crowd and did the obligatory levitation trick and I was ready to head home at the conclusion of the show.

All and all - it was a great deal since I paid $0 for all that entertainment. The total evening was less than $10 - $1 for parking and $8 for ice cream. I have got to remember to check out the Beach Street USA offerings more closely next year.

The Verizon Wireless American Music Festival

Virginia Beach, VA
August 30, 2008

A fortunate chain of events led to me winning free Passport Pins for the American Music Festival in Virginia Beach over the Labor Day weekend. I check up on local news almost everyday with Pilotonline through HamptonRoads.com and followed a link that said “enter to win.” I rarely win anything but figured the worse that could happen would be a new stream of spam, but threw caution to the wind and clicked the little button. The very next day a very nice lady called me at work and told me I won 4 passes which were good for all the paid events all weekend. How cool is that? Even more amazing was my husband agreeing to go to the Billy Idol concert on August 30. Not because my husband dislikes the rocker, but because we had spent Saturday at Busch Gardens with our kids and niece.

By the time we dropped the kids off with my sister and shuffled over to the Beach the warm up act was long gone and the stage was set for the main event. The Verizon Wireless American Music Festival in Virginia Beach is held outdoors right on the beach at 5th street and it's a great venue as long as the weather cooperates. The night was warm and a bit muggy, but overall a good night for a concert.

My Hubby went in search of festival food while I searched for the best place to set up the camp chairs that was upwind of the Port-o-John village and far enough away from the beer tents that we wouldn't have drunks stumbling over us. If we had been creative like the couple in front of us and carved out our own sand sofa we could have saved schlepping our chairs the 8 or so blocks from where we parked. I would like to give a special thank you to Janis at the Mail Depot for giving me her resident parking pass which made life soooooo much easier. Many folks brought blankets, beach towels and cardboard while the rest chose to stand. Neither my husband nor I wanted to be in the thick of the crowd, so we ended up about 2 blocks away from the stage with a great view of the jumbo-tron stage screen, but could see nothing of stage except the superstructure. I said I had come to hear the music and didn't really care if I could see him(early on that is.)

DH navigates through the crowd with warm Diet Coke and brats. Not good – but edible and the show begins. I was a little confused at first. Who was this man with the dark hair and all the clothes? What's with the button down shirt, vest and coat? The Idol I remember had bleached white hair and wore little other than tight leather pants. Here's the only clear photo I got of him during the whole evening. Still looks damn good, don't he? He sounded exactly the same and there's something to be said for updating your look (see guitarist comments below.) He starts of the show with 4 of his better known hits: Cradle of Love, Dancing with Myself, Hot in the City and Flesh for Fantasy. Idol sounded in good voice and the band was in rhythm and in tune but I couldn't help but feel that the intensity level was somewhere around 4. It was like rock on Prozac. I remarked to my husband that I remembered Billy being a much more fierce performer and my husband remarked that “we're all getting old.” Gee thanks, honey!

Observations made of the crowd during the first four tunes:

To my right there is a group of folks standing and talking and dancing a little bit. Within the group there is a 40-something year old guy that looks like he would be more suited to a Buffet concert than the current offering going by the loud Hawaiian shirt and baggy shorts. He gets inspired to do a bit of punk slam dancing which left his date uncomfortably looking around to see if anyone was watching while she continued to do the white-woman shuffle – you know the move where you bounce from one foot to the other because you don't know how to dance. Yep, that one. He stopped once he realized he was entertaining the crowd in a way other than the way he intended. Yeah, I was laughing – dude, you were ridiculous.

There were a lot more kids at this concert than I expected but none of them were obnoxious and for that I am grateful. A girl most likely 8 to 10 years old was paying attention to the act rather than playing in the sand like most of the other kids her age and got into the chant at the end of Flesh for Fantasy with the adults around her. I have to say it is a little unsettling to watch a pre-pubescent girl shouting “Flesh!-Flesh!-Flesh!” while pumping her fist in the air. I'm just going to console myself with the notion that the girl had no idea what she was talking about – I soooooo hope that is true.

After the set of well known music Billy introduces a song from his most recent CD, The Very Best of Billy Idol: Idolize Yourself, (couldn't think of a longer title? sheesh) called John Wayne. It was an okay tune – but I wasn't familiar with it so it didn't do anything for me.

During this rather slow period it strikes me odd that Billy Idol is the headliner for the American Music Festival. Billy Idol aka William Broad is from Middlesex, UK, and was a part of the 2nd British Invasion of the 1980s. Although I find it strange he is here to epitomize American Music there is certainly no disdain for the performer on my part. My fellow graduates of the MHS Class of 1985 all loved Idol and did our best to copy his lip snarl that made him oh-so-sexy back in the day.

He followed that with another of his songs that seemed to be better known by the crowd around me called New Future Weapon. He gave a shout out to a female pilot with an NAS Oceana connection, I presume, that sounded like he read it directly off a card, but I bet the gal got a real kick out of it. I know I would.

We're about 50 minutes into the show and Billy gives us another old favorite, Eyes Without a Face. The Sand Sofa couple decide to get up and give us a bit of dirty dancing. Thanks folks, I really could have done without that bit of magic under the stars, but whatcha gonna do?

I should mention that by this time Billy has shed the coat (that came off after song number 2 ) and the vest and has changed into a t-shirt. He had my sympathy, it has to be unbearably hot with the humidity and stage lights. Shortly after Eyes Idol takes about a 15 minute break while the lead guitarist demonstrates his skills. It starts out rockin' but ends up being a classical guitar solo. The guitarist is a top notch player, but really needs to find a stylist to pull him kicking and screaming out of the late 80's hair-band style. He didn't look cool – he looked comical. But, he is up there performing with Billy Idol and I'm not, so what the hell do I know?

After his break Idol comes back hitting it a little harder. White Wedding gets the crowd rockin' and he gives us some more new stuff while building the anticipation for his signature song, Rebel Yell. I can't stand it anymore and tell my husband that I am heading closer to the stage to try and get a good photo to post on my reunion website. I must have taken 2 dozen shots but not a one of them came out clear. This photo is the best of the worst shots - but I know what it is! Billy stayed true to his roots and by the end of Rebel Yell he was shirtless and sweaty with his fist high in the air. At 50+ Billy is looking awesome! Everyone was on their feet and having a great time. I'd seen what I wanted to see and figured it was time to find the husband and head out before the crowd.

I get back to our site just in time to see a woman staggering by me with two giant Big Gulp refillable cups. I'm sure there was nothing in there but a Slurpee, (and a fifth of something.) She is obviously feeling no pain and lucky me, I just happen to be looking her way when she bends over to put them on the ground and get a half moon. That was nearly enough to make the nasty brat come back for a visit. She fell/sat on the sand and swayed gently to the music. DH and I were debating whether to stick it out and stay for the fireworks until Big Gulp's date showed up and started grinding his pelvis into the back of her head. Neither of us had to say a word to the other, we just started packing up the chairs.

Just as we got to the stairs leading up to the boardwalk we heard the beginning strains of “Mony, Mony” We remained there until the song finished and started our trek back to the car. We were almost at Atlantic Ave, but could still hear the music. It must have been clear to everyone that the concert was over when Billy started to introduce the band. So and so on drums, Whatshisface on bass guitar, Big Hair on lead guitar and me - I'm Billy F*ckin' Idol! Then the fireworks went off.

I don't think anyone told Mr. Idol we have an ordinance here at the beach regarding profanity. I snickered about that last bit all the way back to the car.

Wallace & Gromit: Curse of the Were-Rabbit

You have to be a fan of British humor to enjoy this silly movie.

W&G run a humane pest control service called "Anti-Pesto" in a town that is obessesed with produce and the yearly vegetable competition is only days away. W&G are praised for saving the prized veggies of the townfolk as well as Lady Tottingham and all is well and good.

Wallace comes up with the idea that he can brainwash the rabbits into disliking vegetables. He just happens to have a braincontrol contraption in his basement. He hooks it up, puts the bunnies in a big hopper thingy and uses lunar power to encourage the process. Needless to say, something goes horribly wrong and a single bunny somehow gets sucked up the connecting tube and stuck to Wallace's head. Gromit saves the day by shutting down the machine. The bunny that gets trapped on Wallace's head (named Hutch) appears to have stopped being interested in veggies. Wallace congratulates himself on his brilliance and tottles off to bed.

Just days before the big vegetable fete is to be held, the township is raided by a horrible, huge rabbit that ravages the Vicar's garden as well as other townfolk. (Wonder how that happened!) W&G are called in to capture the beast and Lady Tottingham's wannabe boyfriend, Quatermain wants to blow it to smitherines. Lady T is a softie and doesn't want the critter hurt.

W&G do their best to subdue the Were-rabbit and madness ensues at the Vegetable Faire held at Tottingham Hall. The best part of the movie starts from this point on so I won't ruin it for you.

There are double entendres here and there and the bunnies are really strange looking with snouts rather than little bunny noses. The grotesque mouths of the characters are a bit distracting, but I am guessing that is the artist's signature (either that or a comment on British dental care.)

Wesley loved it and had a good time. Jessica was bored within 5 minutes and proceeded to drive me nuts throughout the whole movie - but at least I didn't get a drink poured on me this time!

Threshold

Star Trek references, midgets and malevolent aliens...what's not to like?

After the disappointment of Supernatural, I really wasn't expecting too much out of this one. Was pleasantly surprised, tho. The cast is stiff but it takes at least a season for ensemble shows to find their groove, it seems.

Yes, the main character is way too young to be in the position she has - but who wants to see some old craggy woman, right?

Love Spiner - always have though. Glad to see he isn't a "Data" or even the hippy of ID4. He will be fun as the complaining malcontent.

Dinklage is cool - the character he is playing reminds me alot of the character in Armageddeon, but it is nice to see a brain that is not a nerd. Little people are most often cast as the comic relief, glad to see the producers are giving this talented actor a serious role.

The geeky guy is expected as well as the brawny military guy.

This one stays on the Season Pass list.

The Biggest Loser
Tuesdays - NBC

This is the first time I have watched this series and I missed the first half. I came in right at their Zero Gravity challenge. Guessed I missed the introductions and "how I got fat" stories. Oh well!

Are we supposed to believe that they lost all that weight in one week? One guy lost 28 pounds in one friggin' week! Did they give them some "fasting formula" aka laxatives? I guess I am just jealous because it has taken me 9 months to get off 20 pounds. Plus the skinny wench who is the trainer for the guys...okay I got it...you're a flat belly. I don't need to see your pubis to convince me of that.

The girls lost an easy .5 pound per girl due to the fact that they couldn't strip down to the flesh for weigh in. They were all wearing sports bras and t-shirts. Plus we all know that women weigh more at night than in the morning! One thing the girls have for them is that they are all pretty at their current weights. Once they get some pounds off, they will be gorgeous. There are a couple of the guys that will be butt ugly, weight or no weight.

This is a great show to watch while working out!

My son and daughter had combined parties this weekend. Hers was a Dora the Explorer birthday party and his was a back to school Pizza and Star Wars party. I rented Star Wars 4, 5 & 6 (i.e. the ones that came out when I was his age) and fun was had by all.

I enjoyed watching the remastered versions of these science fiction classics. I have seen SW 1, 2 & 3 and they just aren't as good to me - guess because I keep comparing them to this first set.The old movies aren't as slick as the newer versions. Computer technology has definitely made things more impressive looking. However, Empire Strikes Back (my personal favorite of them all) has is all. First it is science fiction, and it incorporates drama, action, romance and quite a bit of comedy within 2 hours. Short of Jaws, no villian has ever had such a great theme song.

There are a couple of things out of place like Leia throwing a big lip lock on Luke just to spite Han. That is kinda gross now that we all know they are siblings. After seeing Yoda kick ass with Count Dooku, it is weird to see him as the doddering kook in the swamp. And Obi Wan lamenting that Luke is the last hope and Yoda saying "there is another". Obi Wan knows that since he helped deliver the kids practically. Oh well... as we say in the crafting world, it is the irregularities which give it its distinctiveness.

What was most surprising is that James Earl Jones is uncredited for Vader's voice. Maybe it is because we all know his voice instantly. The copy write on this movie is 1980 - still a great one to watch.

Had to include this pretty creepy pic, too.

Constantine - recently released on DVD

Predictable and disappointing are the two words that popped into my mind after this film started rolling the credits. It was better than End of Days, but not by much.

The premise is pretty much the same as any of the other movies that include angels and demons. I like Keanu Reeves, but he really needs to find different roles other than the deadpan, no expression hero.These are a few of the things that irritated me while watching (other than the storyline)

1. Everyone whispers...I was constantly turning the volume up to hear the dialogue then quickly turning it back down when music or special effect blared in. Missed a couple parts and had to repeat - I hate that.

2. Rachel Weisz (the herione in The Mummy) is a beautiful woman, and this is a well financed movie. Nobody thought that it would be a good idea to touch up her roots? Her hair did not look trendy - it looked like she need to visit the health and beauty aisle of Wal-Mart. She also would slip into a British accent now and again.

3. Why is all the cool demon-casting-out stuff left to the Catholics? How come some of us Prostestants can't get in on the action? I think Keanu's helper was Shia Leboueff (sp?) and he was spouting the Catholic dogma pretty good; and there I thought he was a good Jewish boy all this time.

4. A cross shaped gatling gun that shoots bullets made of holy-water-filled-gold-bullets?
Puh-lease

Consider yourself warned.

Burned through all the good stuff on the DVR and was surfing the channels in this late summer wasteland of crapola and caught the last 20 minutes of Supersized She on TLC.

It was like a trainwreck - I was appalled, but couldn't look away. Female bodybuilding is a strange and scary sport, phenomenon, cult? I'm not really sure what it is. I missed the first part so I don't know if steroids or hormones were brought up, but there is no way a female can put on that kind of bulk naturally. The photo is of Lenda Murray who has won the Ms. Olympia 7 times.

The particular focus of this program was a female from England who invested in a pair of fake boobs, but didn't feel the need to fix her teeth, to compete in the Ms. Olympia contest. I can remember seeing female bodybuilding contests on ESPN years ago before cosmetic surgery was so commonplace and the women had no tits at all. I believe they wore the bikini tops simply not to be confused with the men, but now they got big ta-tas. It is even more disturbing. My guess is that these women are lesbians (hey, whatever floats your boat) and the people interested in this sport are the same? I could be wrong, tho. Tell me guys, are men turned on by that?

Anyway, the subject of the show came in seventh place. The judges said her legs weren't big enough and she was discussing with Mum and Dad her plan to work on that. Her parents were Jo and Joanna Schmo from London. Easy to tell they "just don't understand" their little girl.

I see TLC has another freak show planned this week called "Archie, the 84 lb baby" Think I will just pass on that one - have trouble sleeping as it is.